53 Days to go!

Counting down the days until I marry my Grant! My biggest fear is that the night will go by too fast. How can I slow time on the day of our wedding? I have so many exciting things happening in my life right now I just want to hit the slow motion button and enjoy it.  (Minus the lingering swelling from the wisdom teeth removal, that can go ahead and make like a tree.) I am so ready for the wedding, everything is prepared except the food :) If it was this weekend we would be good to go! It's super annoying my checklist has come to a halt. I can't go get my nails done yet, and that's the last thing I need to do before the big day, so here I am twiddling my un-manicured thumbs.  Everyone is warning me that we are going to run out of time and be stressed the week leading up to the big day. Not sure what they mean by that.. I did everything 5 months ago.

Fashion Fail of the Day - okay, okay, I wore a sweater that is too short for me.  It is one of those high skinny ones that don't look good on anyone really. And to top it off I threw it over a high waisted dress, I just looked motherly mostly. What I should have done... wore a baggier longer sweater and a tight belt over the whole thing to show off my waistline.  I also wore a claw hair clip which no one should wear ever. But I forgot my pony tail and it was my nanny moms and I ran out of hydrocodone OKAY?! Geesh. Give me a break. I should have taken the hint when Baby A's poop soaked through her clothes and onto my sweater that it was ugly. Thanks Baby A for reminding me.

Sometimes I want to put her in my
Nine West and bring her home.
Then I remind myself I LOVE sleeping.
But just LOOK at the fat rolls on her wrists.
I could eat her up!

Couple cute kids quotes--

Teaching F about the American Flag today. I told him, "We live in The United States of America! And Excelsior!"
F's Response, "And my house!"
Yes, yes, very good young one.

Yesterday, while playing "I Spy"
E takes her turn and says, "I spy something brown and leafy."
Big B shouts, "A leaf!"
E, "Correct!"
At this point I'm so bored Lawrence Welk sounds entertaining.








The Dog - He has this terrible terrible TERRIBLE new thing to paw at me. ALL THE TIME. I know it's a sign he's not getting the attention he wants. I say attention "he wants" because good grief he gets enough attention.  No, he doesn't need more exercise. No, he's not hungry. He needs to stop pawing. Ignoring him is too painful, literally. Yelling at him makes him more excited. I locked him in the bathroom for a good 2 minutes and he wouldn't stop doinging the door doinger I had to let him out. WHY MUST HE PAW? It hurts. I'm borderline bleeding. Damn dog. I can't wait to have a yard and a fence and dog house outside. He will be an outside dog all summer. (Who am I kidding?) Maybe if we're lucky he will run away. I won't give up on him on purpose, but if he just disappeared I wouldn't be too heartbroken. Bad mommy.

I love Hydrocodone

Okay, normally I am super against any and all pills.  I can take a nap or have a banana and bounce out of anything. But I gotta tell ya, since I had my teeth pulled I can't get enough of these suckers in my belly. I even woke up this morning feeling withdrawal since I didn't have any ALL night.  I'm hoping my words here are clear, I'm pretty "pilled up".

Here is my wisdom teeth removal story.
I was TERRIFIED. I have never ever been so scared in my life before.  I have never had to go to the doctor for anything other than swine flu.  To think they were going to put me to sleep and take out part of my body just freaked my out. When we got to the clinic, it was literally 2 minutes and I was in the chair getting my arms tied down and having a needle stuck in it.  I asked the girl doing the anesthesia if she could stop poking my arm and wait until I was asleep. She snarly responded that, "No, this is how I put you to sleep." Rawr. Like how the hell was I supposed to know that? Then I asked how long it would take, would I fall asleep right away? (Meanwhile thinking.. why is nobody talking to me and telling me what's going on? Hello? I've never had my teeth pulled before or been put to sleep and put my vulnerable body in the hands of strangers. Garsh!) She said that "It would be a while" before I fall asleep. Nope. She lied. That's my last recollection.

What I was told happened after the procedure...

The surgery took 15 minutes.  When I came out of it I was crying and smiling, so happy I lived through it.  Then I started whispering to my mom about how cute my male nurse was and how I hoped he didn't notice the zii zii on my nose. (He was cute. I do remember that.)  He of course could hear me because I am not a sneaky whisperer when drugged out. So my mom kept poking me and telling me to "hush".  My mom had me put my engagement ring back on because I was freaking out that I had lost it, she had it on the whole time, no worries.  Anyway, she pretty much blew any chances I had with the nurse. Whatever. I asked the nurse if I could keep my teeth. He said he had already thrown them away. Whoa! Now I'm pissed. Can't just throw away my body parts! I ask him if he was a wrestler. He said yes, he used to wrestle in Iowa for High School. And my response is to tell him how terrible of a wrestler he probably is and how JCC probably beat him because we were FOUR times state champions. Don't ya know?  I also manage to say goodbye to the doorman, and call him by his correct name.
By the time we got home I had snapped out of it and watched T.V. shows about people buying their first house. I didn't fall asleep. I have never watched so much T.V. in my life. It felt pretty good.  Yesterday, I felt fantastic the whole day and was able to eat BBQ's and potato chips for dinner. Today, my face is swollen and I can barely open my mouth. Sucky.
That's it for teeth talk. I don't have anything else to say about that.

I can't figure out how to turn the picture. But as you can see here,
the zii zii under my nose was obviously large enough for the hot nurse to see. Dangit.

    

I'm new here

Hello!
I'm new at this.

I've always wanted to blog. I've tried it a few times but I only remember to write while I'm drinking alone. It doesn't usually work out.
I am going to try to do this sober. Bear with me.

I want to write about my stories as a nanny, my wedding plans, fashion, my new house and my dog mostly.

Nanny Notes - I am a nanny of 5 sweet, sweet kiddos.  But, am very eager to move on with my life and find a new nanny family and start a daycare.  - Anticipating Fall '14 -   I can assume this blog will be filled mostly with stories about these buggers because I spend most of my time with them.. and rarely talk to adults.  Today, while F was pottying, I said, "You are SO potty trained!" and his response was, "You can't believe it!"  He is a sweetie.   He potty trained himself by the age of 2. COMPLETELY POTTY TRAINED HIMSELF. I like to think I had something to do with it. But really, this kid's perfect.

The Wedding - I am getting married! No, he's not the "man of my dreams" but he will do.  We aren't soul mates. We usually have a hard time getting along. But boy oh boy are we crazy about each other. He loves me mad.  He is a 6 and I am a 9. My "therapist" says even if we are miserable in our relationship, we will never ever break up, because that's just the "type" of people we are. I can't decide if this is reassuring.

Fashion - I don't know much about fashion. But I know a lot of people don't have a freakin' clue.  How hard can it be to look in a mirror and tell if you look like a moron or not? I am guilty of being lazy M-F with my clothes (I'm a nanny, and the kids don't care). But if I'm going in public I try to look like it's 2013 for Pete's sakes! So here I will post things I see people doing wrong, and admitting what I'm doing wrong today with my outfit.
So today, I am not wearing matching socks. This isn't a huge no-no, but come on Audry, get your shit together!  Do you think F's mom is okay with her nanny not even matching her own socks? If her nanny doesn't care to match her socks, does she even care about the kids? We don't know!
Also my hair is too greasy, and I have a huge zii zii on my nose that I didn't bother to cover.  Hope I didn't scare the children. These are easy fix no no's.  A shower and some coverup would have fixed this. I wouldn't feel comfortable in Target looking like I do. Shame.

New House!! - We are in the final stages of buying a house! Just have to get the inspector out there to make sure everything is decent. I say "decent" because we are well aware there are TONS of things we could update with the house. But we are eager and able to fix 'er up. What have we got better to do with our life?  It's yellow and not in the city or suburbs - and that's what is most important.

The Dog - George - He is a terror. The most recent thing he ruined - A pen and it's cap. He loves pens. If he can get his teeth wrapped around a pen he will take it apart piece by piece (literally) and crack it until the ink explodes on the carpet.  I love him more than I love most of my friends though.

George watching Future Hubby cook.  He always does this.